If straight women confer with straight men (or gay men with gay men), those men might have ulterior motives: their advice might be biased.
Consider also the straight woman consulting with her straight women friends.
My friend Dave uses Grindr pretty often — not for sex, but casual meet ups and hook ups.
(For those of you who don’t know, Grindr is a social networking app that hooks up gay men based on their location.
If I met you at a party and you asked my relationship status, I’d say that I recently moved in with my partner.
Every time I say that, I watch the reaction of the person in front of me.
“That guy is close enough to be in your building,” Dave said of one guy who messaged me “U R Close.” It was kind of like that urban legend where the murderer calls the babysitter and says “I’m in the bassssssement” except instead of killing me this guy wanted to hook up with me. I was using Dave’s name, and photo, so they wanted to hook up with him.
But when you are physically with your boyfriend or girlfriend and able to show them what you want to do, don’t stop talking.If they’re straight, the reaction is often a self-conscious nod and smile, and I know they’re trying to change their idea about who they thought I am (which defaults to straight).If they’re queer, the reaction is similar, except they assume without question or further probing that my partner is a woman (or, for the more open-minded, that my partner may be trans or genderqueer). Plus, we could get a tent and talk all night and then ... I don't really care if she's gay or not, but come on. Gay men are straight women’s love consultants, dating strategists, and healers of heartbreak; and straight women are giving it right back. This fascinating bond between straight women and gay men is for a good reason: perceived trustworthiness – a critical perception when it comes to love advice (Russell, Del Priore, Butterfield, & Hill, 2013).